If you think the end to this season has been an unusual wheeze, wait until you see what our little lot will come up with in the play-offs. Yes, these are certain to be tight games due to the matchstick-thin inconsistencies dividing whichever teams pinball their way into the final four, and yes, I’m a man whose level of pessimism has been dwarfed only by the size of my conker for much of it. But there’s been an unnerving lack of missed penalties and self-implosion amid the Mediterranean ranks since the Palace game, and you can’t help feeling that, like some Russian oligarch feigning poverty in front of a sad-eyed tramp begging kindness from his wedge-stuffed pockets, we might unleash our collective innards in unkindly dramatic fashion.
Can you imagine what the home game is going to be like, assuming we aren’t 4-0 down already? Gus will be a study in statuesque determination. The hoards will be Instagramming Falmer into a different hue. Richard Reynolds will send dogs howling with what is certain to be his final, most mic-rattling imploration of the term. Paul Samrah will probably monotone something inadvisably partisan should we score any important goals. On a personal level, after tearing a strip off the top of my mouth which left me unable to swallow comfortably for several days by nailing a bottle of red wine in a botched attempt to quell my astonishment at reaching the semis, I’m going to try not to drink. Not such a big deal if you’re only abstaining from the piss-like cider and starchy lager served at our beloved home, but less easy given the chance to sneak a large hipflask of whisky in, with its soothing mid-match potential should things get dicey and, historically, its certainty of good luck, having previously seen action for the Southampton and most recent Palace games.
And who do we want? Hull’s promotion dodges a game they wouldn’t have fancied but we would. Watford murdered us with the clinical coldness of experienced stranglers, but that might strengthen our resolve. Forest and Leicester are both full of marauding cavemen, so we’d have to hope our nimble speed of feet and thought would win both or either days. A Palace game, with all its embellished psychological weirdness courtesy of this season, would be, were its level of predictability personified, the equivalent of an evening with the notoriously erratic singer Mark E Smith, of The Fall and general alcoholism fame.
All you can do, of course, is try to enjoy these occasions – absorb them, make their memory savourable, just don’t torture yourself, especially if it all goes awry. Nothing should turn to sour a season of unsickly sweetness.
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
TSLR February 2013
I am not taken to being sniffy about who makes up our support. I have spent years watching grunting embarrassments squawking and growling incoherently in away ends supposed to represent one of the friendliest and most literate cities in the league, the technological counterpart of which, I suppose, is the gruesome profligacy of hamster-brained keyboardists aboard t’internet, where BHAnorthstandballbag gets to retweet his mate saying “give gav a follow lol”, or invites are issued to “BHA V’s Bolton Wanders”.
I myself was even more of a nauseous little oik than I am now during my smoggy adolescence on many a pointless faraway terrace, and no amount of free tickets from our beloved local rag could persuade me, at times, to absorb the soul-impaling eye smash that was Withdean. But if you are reading this and can identify with feeling like an isolated non-rabid among the growing pack of baying dogs – they’re all mad! Oh god, I always knew I was special! – you might know what I mean.
Even thinking it feels painful. As the lickspittle crashes from above, flobbed by a ruddy-faced goat, wet-whistled from a recital of “stop pissing about with it! Just get it forward!”, I want you to share my consolatory pint of infinitesimally cheaper post-bile Harvey’s, simultaneously high-fiving me, suffragette style. I know I partly asked for this. When I was curling myself around a lamp-post to adorn Hove with apple-coloured YES YES balloons, I yearned for a full stadium. But it seems a narrower, rather than broader, church to me. Local Arsenal fans flicked their allegiance temporarily to us for the Cup delights, then probably flicked back with the nonchalance of someone turning their bedroom light off once the game was settled.
It feels like the equivalent of millions of genetically devolved species bursting out of their incubated eggs, running toward the nearest lights they liked the look of and introducing themselves to the long-established specimens who had overseen the plans for that carefully-nurtured ecosystem by headbutting them aside and claiming it as their home, all the while making it a gradually less welcoming space, to the point of inhabitability (the loads of gurning, sweating beefcakes jostling for the last inch of every coach at pre-home game Brighton Station being exhibits a, b, c and d).
Does it matter? There can be no objections. The majority prevail. Mine’s a plastic pie. And a duplicitous scarf.
I myself was even more of a nauseous little oik than I am now during my smoggy adolescence on many a pointless faraway terrace, and no amount of free tickets from our beloved local rag could persuade me, at times, to absorb the soul-impaling eye smash that was Withdean. But if you are reading this and can identify with feeling like an isolated non-rabid among the growing pack of baying dogs – they’re all mad! Oh god, I always knew I was special! – you might know what I mean.
Even thinking it feels painful. As the lickspittle crashes from above, flobbed by a ruddy-faced goat, wet-whistled from a recital of “stop pissing about with it! Just get it forward!”, I want you to share my consolatory pint of infinitesimally cheaper post-bile Harvey’s, simultaneously high-fiving me, suffragette style. I know I partly asked for this. When I was curling myself around a lamp-post to adorn Hove with apple-coloured YES YES balloons, I yearned for a full stadium. But it seems a narrower, rather than broader, church to me. Local Arsenal fans flicked their allegiance temporarily to us for the Cup delights, then probably flicked back with the nonchalance of someone turning their bedroom light off once the game was settled.
It feels like the equivalent of millions of genetically devolved species bursting out of their incubated eggs, running toward the nearest lights they liked the look of and introducing themselves to the long-established specimens who had overseen the plans for that carefully-nurtured ecosystem by headbutting them aside and claiming it as their home, all the while making it a gradually less welcoming space, to the point of inhabitability (the loads of gurning, sweating beefcakes jostling for the last inch of every coach at pre-home game Brighton Station being exhibits a, b, c and d).
Does it matter? There can be no objections. The majority prevail. Mine’s a plastic pie. And a duplicitous scarf.
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
TSLR November 2012
Championship teams visiting Falmer may characteristically
set out to impede rather than assuage the flow of the game they are part of,
but their attitude may actually recall a side anyone would enjoy comparison to:
Brazil. In 1982, on the Costa del Sol, Socrates, Zico and friends were idolised
not only for their myriad individual talents, but also for a comprehension of
the game which left most teams trailing in their visionary green and gold dust.
“They are so good that they are willing to let you take
control of the ball and then set out to kid you into passing it where they
want,” observed a rueful Jock Stein, the manager of a Scottish team mauled
after falling into the trap. This ability among teams and their coaching staff
to collectively understand the game is a concept we have all established
familiarity with through Gus’s relentless imploring for it, but perhaps the
tables have turned on his ethos as much as they have on our league position.
Obviously, squads in this division lack the perfect menace
to precisely dictate where other teams play the ball but, watching us play
beautifully without adding finality to finesse, there is an unmistakable sense
that our opponents have us contained within comfortable parameters, that our
claims of uniqueness may actually reveal a two-sided joke other managers are in
on. That Gus’s adversaries spend the build-up to matches tailoring a plan to
combat our style was a source of trumpeted pride as much as cautionary whisper
in pre-season. Now it seems a compliment and a curse.
Few fail to be seduced by the style, but opposition managers
are requiting it with murderous intent founded on patience and quick breaks.
Gus himself, a suited conductor of an inconsistent orchestra attempting to play
a tune of often exquisite complexity, is patently too consumed by perfection.
Thus, the unflinching directness of Buckley or the byline-bound sprints of
LuaLua seem a possession-jeapordising risk too far.
In Vicente’s continued unexplainable absence – and Gus could
not have guessed that an innocuous home pre-season friendly and an essentially
meaningless cup game at Swindon would weaken our sorceror’s body to such
disrepair – the midfield appears an unnecessarily defensive one. True, a LuaLua
type compromises our assurance when defending set pieces, but safety should be
a secondary concern when our impotence allows the opposition a distinct chance
of three points if they can score.
The midfield has no daggers – nor stealth, mortars or bullets
within it – and Gus ends up resembling a general repeatedly shooting himself in
the foot. Our manager has earned the right to do as he likes, and it is hard
not to scorn the faithless voices, predominantly in the posh seats, who only
have cause to grumble via the high standards Gus has set – I imagine, if we had
appointed a less precocious, more established boss we would be near the top of
League One, with far less debate among 10,000 fewer fans. Yet our current
teamsheets seem more attuned to defending a lead we rarely gain (often by bad
luck, admittedly).
There is as much intrigue in watching Bloom’s apprentice
solve the riddle as there will be relief if he prevails. Winless runs must
spoil games rather than months, or the season will be lost. Shuffling the pack
upfront may only conceal a tactical shortfall.
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Albion 1-1 Reading
Friendly
Falmer
August 7 2012
Forced to guess what the starting line-ups might look like
for the FDM’s testimonial game, most followers of his Albion career might have
expected Hart, Butters et al to play cameos on a teamsheet they once joined
Kuipers on to such odds-overturning success.
As it was, two near-full strength Albion and Reading sides
were far more intent on a straightforward pre-season friendly than paying
testimony to a man used to being our number one. I saw Richard Carpenter
wandering around the West Stand Lower, but that was about as close as former
glories got. Kuipers made one fantastic save before being promptly subbed less
than 15 minutes in.
Perhaps this is the way forward for testimonials. The crowd
was about the same size as those which regularly watched Kuipers for 12
Withdean years, but more might have come had it been pitched as a match-up with
a Premier League team, those who never saw him play unwittingly filling the
stadium for his symbolic farewell.
Pragmatism over sentimentality wouldn’t have mattered. There
was little of the sense of finality testimonials supposedly indicate, because
Kuipers is still around the club, even playing against us for Crawley this
Friday. It was the same kind of atmosphere as the Mayo and Hart testimonials –
both also relatively poorly attended – but this time there was a proper contest
to enjoy.
Albion more than matched Reading. Vicente gave us the lead
from a penalty after Noone, who started and played well, had been fouled. We
deserved to beat a second top-class team in four days, but Robson-Kanu beat
El-Abd to a far-post cross late on.
FDM (Kuszczak 15); Bruno, Greer, Dunk (El-Abd 78), Calde; Dicker,
Crofts, Bridcutt, Noone (Sparrow 77); God (Toby 62), Barnes (Vincelot 86)
Monday, 6 August 2012
Albion 3-1 Chelsea
Friendly
Falmer
August 4 2012
Falmer
August 4 2012
If too much shouldn’t be read into pre-season friendlies, it’s
worth turning the page back a year: Albion looked a level below Spurs in a
first loss at the Amex, losing 3-2 via an awful mistake by Peter Brezovan.
One summer of careful spending later, with a defence almost entirely resolute in front of the excellent Tomasz Kuszczak, Gus’s side vanquished the champions of Europe with something to spare, looking like promotion contenders.
The Spanish pair, Vicente and Bruno, weren’t with us then, and they have added real class. The winger, who had earlier revealed a hope to stay even longer than a year if the season goes well, played a brilliant early through ball to Barnes, whose cross forced a corner. Bruno, his new neighbour, was constantly getting forward to contribute dangerous crosses, going beyond a midfield which looked far less porous than last year.
Building works meant the away end was empty, with Chelsea fans filling parts of the Upper West. Below them, their team’s ability to control play on the fringes of the penalty area was only hampered by several overhit passes in the direction of Ramires on the right.
A pristine tackle by Bridcutt on Torres resulted in a loud rendition of “what a waste of money”, and then Dunk read his run perfectly as the millionaires tried to break. The standard of play made the game a total exhibition, and the biggest question was whether our parity with the elite was down to the new players or simply a case of everyone raising their game.
Almost all of Chelea’s attacks came down the right, with Ivanovic, Meireles, Lampard and Torres playing endless little passes, trying to crack Calderon and Dunk. They eventually did it when Dunk misplaced a pass to Calde just inside their half. The break down the right finally gave Lampard some time and space in the middle, placing his shot past the advancing Kuszczak from just inside the area. Dunk looked crestfallen, Lampard flicked a thumb to the North Stand.
The lead didn’t last long. From bang on centre, Bridcutt played a lovely pass to give Barnes space to run into on the left. He sprinted a few yards, then crossed low with the outside of his foot to Vicente, who curled a low shot into the only inch of the corner of the net Cech couldn’t reach.
Salvation for Albion’s only mistake of the half, but there was more in store. Buckley broke through at a velocity even Ashley Cole couldn’t match. Cech came out and almost foiled him as he reached the six yard box, but from a difficult angle he cut it back to Barnes, who finished expertly with a crisp drive, leaving one of the world’s best goalkeepers picking the ball out of the same corner of his net, with half the England defence planning more speed drills for the rest of pre-season.
Torres had a great chance to equalise shortly into the second half, but skied a half volley into the empty stand. Then Cech had to palm away a vicious Vicente shot from 20 yards out. Chelsea were looking ragged for the first time. As David Luiz tried to grab the ball after falling to the floor, Bruno controlled it with a backheel and exchanged a series of slow passes with Vicente, advancing 50 yards and allowing the latter to toy with Chelsea’s defenders in the same way most people might mess around with bits of lego.
Barnes’s resulting header had to be palmed away for a corner. Kuszczak started another move from inside the Albion half, throwing to the newly-introduced Noone, who passed to fellow substitute Harley. From his pass, Barnes crossed to Crofts on the edge of the area, who shot well over.
Kuszczak saved from Ramires, but by now Chelsea were visibly backing off where in the first half they might have gone in for tackles, although Torres still ran back to foul Barnes in an improbable collision of two strikers less different than we once thought.
Torres could have scored shortly after, when Dunk played the ball straight to Lampard across the back line. Unselfishly, the midfielder played Torres in on goal, but Kuszczak was out quickly to beat his shot away for a corner.
Torres was subbed ten minutes before the end, and Noone shot just wide from long range in a sign of Albion’s growing confidence. The winger then gave Ivanovic, Cahill and Mikel a hard time with a run which ended with a foul just outside the area. Vicente struck the free-kick inches over the bar.
Hazard shot wide from 20 yards, and then an altercation between Barnes and David Luiz caused carnage. The defender claimed malice after the two jumped in the air but, as play appeared to stop, Crofts ran straight through to slot past Turnbull. Luiz attempted revenge with an elbow, allowing Barnes to be substituted and receive rapturous applause from the North Stand.
Cole and Crofts exchanged shoves, and the Chelsea fans in the Upper West headed back to the pub early. The result was probably unimportant to them, but it was no fluke.
One summer of careful spending later, with a defence almost entirely resolute in front of the excellent Tomasz Kuszczak, Gus’s side vanquished the champions of Europe with something to spare, looking like promotion contenders.
The Spanish pair, Vicente and Bruno, weren’t with us then, and they have added real class. The winger, who had earlier revealed a hope to stay even longer than a year if the season goes well, played a brilliant early through ball to Barnes, whose cross forced a corner. Bruno, his new neighbour, was constantly getting forward to contribute dangerous crosses, going beyond a midfield which looked far less porous than last year.
Building works meant the away end was empty, with Chelsea fans filling parts of the Upper West. Below them, their team’s ability to control play on the fringes of the penalty area was only hampered by several overhit passes in the direction of Ramires on the right.
A pristine tackle by Bridcutt on Torres resulted in a loud rendition of “what a waste of money”, and then Dunk read his run perfectly as the millionaires tried to break. The standard of play made the game a total exhibition, and the biggest question was whether our parity with the elite was down to the new players or simply a case of everyone raising their game.
Almost all of Chelea’s attacks came down the right, with Ivanovic, Meireles, Lampard and Torres playing endless little passes, trying to crack Calderon and Dunk. They eventually did it when Dunk misplaced a pass to Calde just inside their half. The break down the right finally gave Lampard some time and space in the middle, placing his shot past the advancing Kuszczak from just inside the area. Dunk looked crestfallen, Lampard flicked a thumb to the North Stand.
The lead didn’t last long. From bang on centre, Bridcutt played a lovely pass to give Barnes space to run into on the left. He sprinted a few yards, then crossed low with the outside of his foot to Vicente, who curled a low shot into the only inch of the corner of the net Cech couldn’t reach.
Salvation for Albion’s only mistake of the half, but there was more in store. Buckley broke through at a velocity even Ashley Cole couldn’t match. Cech came out and almost foiled him as he reached the six yard box, but from a difficult angle he cut it back to Barnes, who finished expertly with a crisp drive, leaving one of the world’s best goalkeepers picking the ball out of the same corner of his net, with half the England defence planning more speed drills for the rest of pre-season.
Torres had a great chance to equalise shortly into the second half, but skied a half volley into the empty stand. Then Cech had to palm away a vicious Vicente shot from 20 yards out. Chelsea were looking ragged for the first time. As David Luiz tried to grab the ball after falling to the floor, Bruno controlled it with a backheel and exchanged a series of slow passes with Vicente, advancing 50 yards and allowing the latter to toy with Chelsea’s defenders in the same way most people might mess around with bits of lego.
Barnes’s resulting header had to be palmed away for a corner. Kuszczak started another move from inside the Albion half, throwing to the newly-introduced Noone, who passed to fellow substitute Harley. From his pass, Barnes crossed to Crofts on the edge of the area, who shot well over.
Kuszczak saved from Ramires, but by now Chelsea were visibly backing off where in the first half they might have gone in for tackles, although Torres still ran back to foul Barnes in an improbable collision of two strikers less different than we once thought.
Torres could have scored shortly after, when Dunk played the ball straight to Lampard across the back line. Unselfishly, the midfielder played Torres in on goal, but Kuszczak was out quickly to beat his shot away for a corner.
Torres was subbed ten minutes before the end, and Noone shot just wide from long range in a sign of Albion’s growing confidence. The winger then gave Ivanovic, Cahill and Mikel a hard time with a run which ended with a foul just outside the area. Vicente struck the free-kick inches over the bar.
Hazard shot wide from 20 yards, and then an altercation between Barnes and David Luiz caused carnage. The defender claimed malice after the two jumped in the air but, as play appeared to stop, Crofts ran straight through to slot past Turnbull. Luiz attempted revenge with an elbow, allowing Barnes to be substituted and receive rapturous applause from the North Stand.
Cole and Crofts exchanged shoves, and the Chelsea fans in the Upper West headed back to the pub early. The result was probably unimportant to them, but it was no fluke.
Kuszczak; Bruno, Greer, Dunk, Calde; Bridcutt, Crofts,
Dicker (Ryan Harley ees good 57); Buckley (Noone 66), God, Barnes (Toby 89)
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Lewes 0-3 Albion
Friendly
The Dripping Pan
July 17 2012
Lewes is nicer than a lot of league grounds and a few people I know were heading there, so I decided late to go to this one. What I didn’t anticipate was getting the sixth-last ticket from the Amex office after ringing up first thing on Monday morning.
One wet lunchtime run to Falmer later and my Tuesday night was finalised. Our initial line-up was largely the same as the first 11 last season, with a few notable exceptions. Anton Rodgers started in midfield, and his clever through ball played Buckley in behind the defence just inside the area, but the ‘keeper was out quickly to stop him.
Rodgers then conceded a free-kick at the other end after Lewes broke away, which their number eight curled towards the top left hand corner, making Kuszczak parry. Kuszczak looked steady, if not always certain in possession. You could see why Gus likes him, as a perfect cross-field pass to Vincelot on the left-wing halfway line showed his distribution skills.
Craig Mackail-Smith’s first chance on goal summed up our frustrations with him last season. Calderon dummied from a central position 20 yards out, then narrowed a pass to CMS, who crossed to no-one when he should have shot.
Barnes had the first proper go, low and straight at the 'keeper, but it had been all sparring and no punches until then. There was a nervy moment when Kuszczak was harried into overhitting it to El-Abd after controlling a byline pass from Greer, ending in the familiar sight of El-Abd and their winger on the floor. Free-kick to us.
CMS gave the 'keeper another straightforward catch, and then Bridcutt wobbled the bar with a tremendous dead hit from 25 yards out. Remembering the Carlisle goal from the promotion season, let’s hope it comes off in a league game next time he tries something spectacular.
Gus became vocal just before a short corner at the end of the half, which led to Buckley firing the ball straight into the Albion fans from close range. Bridcutt was about to eclipse his near-miss. He played an absolute beauty of a pass into the six-yard box, completely eluding the defenders. Everyone was happy enough with that, but then Vincelot ran onto it and tapped it back to Barnes, who swept it into the roof of the net.
Gus made a point of encouraging all the subs to get warm at half-time. It was definitely warm inside the clubhouse, where the bar was rammed and chronically understaffed. No surprise for anyone used to trying to get a beer at league grounds at half-time, but a loss for Lewes as anyone who’d stuck around would have been waiting until the start of the season for a drink.
All 11 were changed at half-time, with LuaLua given longer than usual in his perennial role of game-changing winger. True to hot-and-cold form, he began with a zipwire run followed by a tame cross.
Elphick returned as captain, playing his part as we kept the ball for several minutes at a time, with a tiring Lewes bringing on several subs. Just after the hour Kaz beat the right-back easily and cut inside with intent, although the shot didn’t match his run and was pushed away for a corner. Lewes’s first real attempt went about five yards over Brezovan’s bar.
Ben Sampayo was at left-back, but had very little to do on one of those nights where all the opposing defender could do was follow Kaz’s centrifugal force, eventually resulting in a penalty which Hoskins put calmly to the ‘keeper’s left. Perhaps this will be Kaz and Hoskins’ years – they could make a big difference to our season, although KLL went off injured after that foul.
A good evening for our partly-forgotten strikers, as Toby Agdestein's sharpness was rewarded when he latched on to a delicate clipped pass from Bruno (who was very impressive) to score the third.
He resembles Bendtner a bit, not least when he had a sitter cleared off the line after slightly overrunning the ball while through on goal, beating the ‘keeper but giving a defender time to get back. A shame he couldn't get a second, but his lengthy apprenticeship in the Development Squad seems to be paying off now.
Albion have got a few other non-league teams to play next and I’m sure these games help sharpen everyone up. Lewes looked a decent side and seemed determined to show they could mix it with Championship players.
A very solid defence still has Wayne Bridge to come in on the left (El-Abd played 45 minutes there before Sampayo came on) and Vicente will give us more of the craft of Bridcutt’s deft pass for the first goal. Selling out a pre-season friendly reflects the excitement about the season ahead.
First half: Kuszczak; Calderon, Greer, El-Abd, Vincelot; Buckley, Rodgers, Bridcutt, March (new left-winger just signed from Lewes); Barnes, CMS
Second 45: Brez; Bruno, Elphick, Dunk, Sampayo; Ryan Harley is back, Sparrow, Dicker, LuaLua; Hoskins, Toby
The Dripping Pan
July 17 2012
Lewes is nicer than a lot of league grounds and a few people I know were heading there, so I decided late to go to this one. What I didn’t anticipate was getting the sixth-last ticket from the Amex office after ringing up first thing on Monday morning.
One wet lunchtime run to Falmer later and my Tuesday night was finalised. Our initial line-up was largely the same as the first 11 last season, with a few notable exceptions. Anton Rodgers started in midfield, and his clever through ball played Buckley in behind the defence just inside the area, but the ‘keeper was out quickly to stop him.
Rodgers then conceded a free-kick at the other end after Lewes broke away, which their number eight curled towards the top left hand corner, making Kuszczak parry. Kuszczak looked steady, if not always certain in possession. You could see why Gus likes him, as a perfect cross-field pass to Vincelot on the left-wing halfway line showed his distribution skills.
Craig Mackail-Smith’s first chance on goal summed up our frustrations with him last season. Calderon dummied from a central position 20 yards out, then narrowed a pass to CMS, who crossed to no-one when he should have shot.
Barnes had the first proper go, low and straight at the 'keeper, but it had been all sparring and no punches until then. There was a nervy moment when Kuszczak was harried into overhitting it to El-Abd after controlling a byline pass from Greer, ending in the familiar sight of El-Abd and their winger on the floor. Free-kick to us.
CMS gave the 'keeper another straightforward catch, and then Bridcutt wobbled the bar with a tremendous dead hit from 25 yards out. Remembering the Carlisle goal from the promotion season, let’s hope it comes off in a league game next time he tries something spectacular.
Gus became vocal just before a short corner at the end of the half, which led to Buckley firing the ball straight into the Albion fans from close range. Bridcutt was about to eclipse his near-miss. He played an absolute beauty of a pass into the six-yard box, completely eluding the defenders. Everyone was happy enough with that, but then Vincelot ran onto it and tapped it back to Barnes, who swept it into the roof of the net.
Gus made a point of encouraging all the subs to get warm at half-time. It was definitely warm inside the clubhouse, where the bar was rammed and chronically understaffed. No surprise for anyone used to trying to get a beer at league grounds at half-time, but a loss for Lewes as anyone who’d stuck around would have been waiting until the start of the season for a drink.
All 11 were changed at half-time, with LuaLua given longer than usual in his perennial role of game-changing winger. True to hot-and-cold form, he began with a zipwire run followed by a tame cross.
Elphick returned as captain, playing his part as we kept the ball for several minutes at a time, with a tiring Lewes bringing on several subs. Just after the hour Kaz beat the right-back easily and cut inside with intent, although the shot didn’t match his run and was pushed away for a corner. Lewes’s first real attempt went about five yards over Brezovan’s bar.
Ben Sampayo was at left-back, but had very little to do on one of those nights where all the opposing defender could do was follow Kaz’s centrifugal force, eventually resulting in a penalty which Hoskins put calmly to the ‘keeper’s left. Perhaps this will be Kaz and Hoskins’ years – they could make a big difference to our season, although KLL went off injured after that foul.
A good evening for our partly-forgotten strikers, as Toby Agdestein's sharpness was rewarded when he latched on to a delicate clipped pass from Bruno (who was very impressive) to score the third.
He resembles Bendtner a bit, not least when he had a sitter cleared off the line after slightly overrunning the ball while through on goal, beating the ‘keeper but giving a defender time to get back. A shame he couldn't get a second, but his lengthy apprenticeship in the Development Squad seems to be paying off now.
Albion have got a few other non-league teams to play next and I’m sure these games help sharpen everyone up. Lewes looked a decent side and seemed determined to show they could mix it with Championship players.
A very solid defence still has Wayne Bridge to come in on the left (El-Abd played 45 minutes there before Sampayo came on) and Vicente will give us more of the craft of Bridcutt’s deft pass for the first goal. Selling out a pre-season friendly reflects the excitement about the season ahead.
First half: Kuszczak; Calderon, Greer, El-Abd, Vincelot; Buckley, Rodgers, Bridcutt, March (new left-winger just signed from Lewes); Barnes, CMS
Second 45: Brez; Bruno, Elphick, Dunk, Sampayo; Ryan Harley is back, Sparrow, Dicker, LuaLua; Hoskins, Toby
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Brighton and Hove Albion 2-2 Bristol Rovers
League One
Withdean Stadium
November 20 2010
Gus Poyet says his Albion side have lost their way after this latest show of fallibility. No victory, no clean sheet, but the manager is probably either wrong or playing mind games with his players – focus is required rather that introspection, tweaks rather than major surgery. Certainly, Poyet is right to note their relative generosity in possession, repeatedly gifting the ball to opposition who were well-organised and inventive, but this was an off day. Gary Dicker will rarely invite as much interception as his wayward distribution did today, and with the exception of the ceaselessly industrious Radostin Kishishev, few of his teammates shone.
It could be argued that the loss of Kazenga LuaLua has been felt almost immediately, with only Elliott Bennett showing the requisite pace to breach what will not be the last unspectacularly resolute League One backline. Agustin Battipiedi was handed a starting place in the midfield to exhume his penalty shootout miss against Woking in the FA Cup on Tuesday, but the Argentinean’s guile and raw skill are not yet matched by his understanding of the pace of the English game, and his withdrawal early in the second half coincided with the Albion finally raising the tempo. They needed to do so after Bristol Rovers took the lead with a corner which was only the latest in a string of crosses which Casper Ankergren and his defence looked uncomfortable with, Byron Anthony providing a firm header past a couple of defenders.
The warning signs of sloppiness had been there, coming at their ugliest when Adam El-Abd, a ball-winner who knows his limitations and has replaced rashness with care, lost control while rushing ahead and lunged forward in an attempt to salvage his misjudgement, earning a caution. Rovers grew in confidence, testing the uncertain Ankergren with more crosses and slowing the flow to match their obvious plan. Marcos Painter worked tirelessly, often appearing to be a makeshift left-winger, and Chris Wood, the striker on-loan from West Brom, showed neat touches and a fearless approach to shooting. His build resembles Neil Mellor, but his new supporters will hope for more than that. Bennett flashed centres to Ashley Barnes, who always needs a goal to spark him, to no effect, before Glenn Murray eventually replaced him as Albion adopted greater urgency. Finally, at the end of a barrage of pressure after the interval, the relentless Painter unnerved the Rovers defence with a cross which trickled into the net via a flail by Jeff Hughes.
Only one team was going to win now, and but for a catalogue of bizarre refereeing decisions and displays of incompetence by his assistant, who appeared to have particular difficulty in judging a distance of ten yards at corners, Albion might have come through comfortably. Wood saw a long range strike plunged upon at the second attempt by Anderson in the away goal, then picked up the ball after being fouled to score a penalty with confidence. Still, that was not to be the last – Albion ensured it by allowing Rovers to prod and press in between their own attacks during the final ten minutes.
Cruelly, Painter headed past Ankergren in injury time at another corner, leaving only the sight of Anderson, who had made his way out of his goalmouth and into the opposite penalty area for the set piece, celebrating with a couple of hundred away fans. If Rovers just about deserved a point, the truth is that Albion didn’t deserve three.
Withdean Stadium
November 20 2010
Gus Poyet says his Albion side have lost their way after this latest show of fallibility. No victory, no clean sheet, but the manager is probably either wrong or playing mind games with his players – focus is required rather that introspection, tweaks rather than major surgery. Certainly, Poyet is right to note their relative generosity in possession, repeatedly gifting the ball to opposition who were well-organised and inventive, but this was an off day. Gary Dicker will rarely invite as much interception as his wayward distribution did today, and with the exception of the ceaselessly industrious Radostin Kishishev, few of his teammates shone.
It could be argued that the loss of Kazenga LuaLua has been felt almost immediately, with only Elliott Bennett showing the requisite pace to breach what will not be the last unspectacularly resolute League One backline. Agustin Battipiedi was handed a starting place in the midfield to exhume his penalty shootout miss against Woking in the FA Cup on Tuesday, but the Argentinean’s guile and raw skill are not yet matched by his understanding of the pace of the English game, and his withdrawal early in the second half coincided with the Albion finally raising the tempo. They needed to do so after Bristol Rovers took the lead with a corner which was only the latest in a string of crosses which Casper Ankergren and his defence looked uncomfortable with, Byron Anthony providing a firm header past a couple of defenders.
The warning signs of sloppiness had been there, coming at their ugliest when Adam El-Abd, a ball-winner who knows his limitations and has replaced rashness with care, lost control while rushing ahead and lunged forward in an attempt to salvage his misjudgement, earning a caution. Rovers grew in confidence, testing the uncertain Ankergren with more crosses and slowing the flow to match their obvious plan. Marcos Painter worked tirelessly, often appearing to be a makeshift left-winger, and Chris Wood, the striker on-loan from West Brom, showed neat touches and a fearless approach to shooting. His build resembles Neil Mellor, but his new supporters will hope for more than that. Bennett flashed centres to Ashley Barnes, who always needs a goal to spark him, to no effect, before Glenn Murray eventually replaced him as Albion adopted greater urgency. Finally, at the end of a barrage of pressure after the interval, the relentless Painter unnerved the Rovers defence with a cross which trickled into the net via a flail by Jeff Hughes.
Only one team was going to win now, and but for a catalogue of bizarre refereeing decisions and displays of incompetence by his assistant, who appeared to have particular difficulty in judging a distance of ten yards at corners, Albion might have come through comfortably. Wood saw a long range strike plunged upon at the second attempt by Anderson in the away goal, then picked up the ball after being fouled to score a penalty with confidence. Still, that was not to be the last – Albion ensured it by allowing Rovers to prod and press in between their own attacks during the final ten minutes.
Cruelly, Painter headed past Ankergren in injury time at another corner, leaving only the sight of Anderson, who had made his way out of his goalmouth and into the opposite penalty area for the set piece, celebrating with a couple of hundred away fans. If Rovers just about deserved a point, the truth is that Albion didn’t deserve three.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Brighton and Hove Albion 0-0 Woking
FA Cup Round One
Withdean Stadium
November 6 2010
If the League One campaign so far has seen an Albion team at full throttle, the cup competitions have seen Gus Poyet's men stalling. In the derided Johnstone's Paint Trophy, at the start of September, they even went into reverse gear, and remnants of that listless performance - losing 2-0 to Leyton Orient - resurfaced for the first time since with a limp, lumbering display in the first round of a competition worth giving far more creedence to.
No-one could have predicted it. In sweeping aside Peterborough and Charlton in successive away trips, Albion were magnificent, too brimming with swagger to be impeded by a Blue Square South side, no matter how spirited. Not so. Woking have had a mediocre start to the season, but their stout defending and hint of pace in attack were sufficient to stifle their hosts. Moses Ademola, a winger and striker whose only experience of league football came in a brief spell at Brentford which saw him loaned out to Welling United and his current club, only denied himself with a sluggish touch when a break from an Albion corner left two Woking forwards with the solitary figure of Lewis Dunk to beat. A youth team product, Dunk was unflappable on his debut against a far tamer class of opposition than he can expect if his prodigious career is to blossom, but Albion's problems were always to do with creativity and guile rather than any risk of the restored Peter Brezovan's goal being breached.
In his typically forthright post-match analysis, Poyet accused too many of his players of failing to make the correct decisions he has urged them to make in possession during his tenure. He was right. Gary Dicker and Matt Sparrow, who had provided the collective mechanism for Albion's tenacious probing at Peterborough last week, were wasteful in their choices to the point of recklessness. Liam Bridcutt, whose contract extension until the end of the season had been announced earlier in the day, looked as if his mind was already concerned with the end of the campaign, deployed at the base of a midfield diamond devoid of the width and speed afforded by the rested Kazenga LuaLua and Elliott Bennett, who watched on from the bench. At the top of the diamond, Cristian Baz earned a start after a threatening second-half appearance at London Road, but his fleet-footed trickery was never incisive enough to repeat that promise, reflected in his withdrawal shortly after halftime.
Backed by a relentlessly noisy away support complete with flares, Woking were never teased or posed enough problems to become flustered. As their belief grew, a sodden Withdean became ever gloomier. Marcos Painter's standing as Albion's most consistent first-half threat spoke volumes about their lack of penetration, and he swapped chances with fellow wing-back Inigo Calderon to send crosses over which Glenn Murray and Ashley Barnes did little with after the interval. Insipid early on, it felt inevitable that Albion would elevate their tempo to force a breakthrough, but the spark never arrived. Jamie Smith and Agustin Battipiedi arrived to foray and tussle on the edge of the box - usually when cutting inside from the left flank - but their conviction failed them at crucial moments, manifested in a handful of wayward shots.
Poyet may not care much for the distractions of a cup run, but no-one wanted a replay at Woking. The only saving grace at Kingfield Road would be the likely presence of television cameras, eager to see an upset Woking will only realise if the complacency which may have made Albion so flat becomes chronic in ten days' time. Albion's heightened urgency in the final five minutes was both overdue and unsuited to their style. Dunk shot wide, and goalkeeper Andy Little just about held on to several crosses in the final few minutes. As his decisions saved his side from an undeserved defeat, Albion's mean their contrary cup exploits go on.
Withdean Stadium
November 6 2010
If the League One campaign so far has seen an Albion team at full throttle, the cup competitions have seen Gus Poyet's men stalling. In the derided Johnstone's Paint Trophy, at the start of September, they even went into reverse gear, and remnants of that listless performance - losing 2-0 to Leyton Orient - resurfaced for the first time since with a limp, lumbering display in the first round of a competition worth giving far more creedence to.
No-one could have predicted it. In sweeping aside Peterborough and Charlton in successive away trips, Albion were magnificent, too brimming with swagger to be impeded by a Blue Square South side, no matter how spirited. Not so. Woking have had a mediocre start to the season, but their stout defending and hint of pace in attack were sufficient to stifle their hosts. Moses Ademola, a winger and striker whose only experience of league football came in a brief spell at Brentford which saw him loaned out to Welling United and his current club, only denied himself with a sluggish touch when a break from an Albion corner left two Woking forwards with the solitary figure of Lewis Dunk to beat. A youth team product, Dunk was unflappable on his debut against a far tamer class of opposition than he can expect if his prodigious career is to blossom, but Albion's problems were always to do with creativity and guile rather than any risk of the restored Peter Brezovan's goal being breached.
In his typically forthright post-match analysis, Poyet accused too many of his players of failing to make the correct decisions he has urged them to make in possession during his tenure. He was right. Gary Dicker and Matt Sparrow, who had provided the collective mechanism for Albion's tenacious probing at Peterborough last week, were wasteful in their choices to the point of recklessness. Liam Bridcutt, whose contract extension until the end of the season had been announced earlier in the day, looked as if his mind was already concerned with the end of the campaign, deployed at the base of a midfield diamond devoid of the width and speed afforded by the rested Kazenga LuaLua and Elliott Bennett, who watched on from the bench. At the top of the diamond, Cristian Baz earned a start after a threatening second-half appearance at London Road, but his fleet-footed trickery was never incisive enough to repeat that promise, reflected in his withdrawal shortly after halftime.
Backed by a relentlessly noisy away support complete with flares, Woking were never teased or posed enough problems to become flustered. As their belief grew, a sodden Withdean became ever gloomier. Marcos Painter's standing as Albion's most consistent first-half threat spoke volumes about their lack of penetration, and he swapped chances with fellow wing-back Inigo Calderon to send crosses over which Glenn Murray and Ashley Barnes did little with after the interval. Insipid early on, it felt inevitable that Albion would elevate their tempo to force a breakthrough, but the spark never arrived. Jamie Smith and Agustin Battipiedi arrived to foray and tussle on the edge of the box - usually when cutting inside from the left flank - but their conviction failed them at crucial moments, manifested in a handful of wayward shots.
Poyet may not care much for the distractions of a cup run, but no-one wanted a replay at Woking. The only saving grace at Kingfield Road would be the likely presence of television cameras, eager to see an upset Woking will only realise if the complacency which may have made Albion so flat becomes chronic in ten days' time. Albion's heightened urgency in the final five minutes was both overdue and unsuited to their style. Dunk shot wide, and goalkeeper Andy Little just about held on to several crosses in the final few minutes. As his decisions saved his side from an undeserved defeat, Albion's mean their contrary cup exploits go on.
Friday, 6 August 2010
The Blue & White 'Un - Friday August 6 2010
Saturday July 31stThem Blue & White Heroes beat Aberdeen 1-0 at Withdean courtesy of an Elliott Bennett belter in the first half. Mark McGhee avoids getting pelted with eggs as he strides across the pitch hand in hand with the visible ghost of Leon Knight, but his team still manages to resemble the thousand or so Albion teams he set up to try and burgle single goal victories off bigger teams.
It all kicks off back in Bohemia-by-the-Sea, with some Aberdeen fans presumably intent on getting (violent, Stone Island-clad) value out of their pilgrimage rather than the empty reward of an away performance fashioned by McGhee.
Moving on from MM, a side containing Gordon Gopher Greer at centre-back resembles the League One Brazil with some lovely passing football, and substitute Christian Baz even attempts a couple of scissor kicks in the last ten minutes. It all feels a long way from...err...McGhee.
Sunday August 1st
Jamie Smith, the formerly AWOL soldier who returned for a passable Jack Wilshere impression on the left-wing against Abderdoom, says abandoning his 90-minute drive from Essex and moving to Bohemia-au-bord-de-la-mer has soothed his soul.
Gus says Adam El-Abd will be at centre-back for the opening game of the League One Championship Winning Season at Swindon next Saturday, which sees the bookies immediately push the Albion out from fourth-favourites for the title to a tempting 2,000/1.
Monday August 2nd
Kazenga LuaLua, the fastest man in the world, starts using his Twitter page almost as frequently as he puts opposition full backs into intergalactic black holes summoned by the centrifugal force of his tornado-eclipsing sprints down the wings.
The big tease said he was going to Bournemouth (for social reasons) next weekend, claims to love Bohemia-au-bord-de-la-pier, then foolishly begins replying to Albion fans who message him. One of his previous Tweets, appealing for more followers, appears to have been resolved whatever happens.
Tuesday August 3rd
Eight-year-old Albion youth midfielder Jake Caskey is named captain of England Under-17s, leading to speculation he could be captaining the Albion by the time we're on our third manager of the season (ETA November).
Gordon Germaine Greer has the somewhat more dubious honour of being named Albion captain for the season, and Gus tells The Argus he wants a defender, a winger and a striker this week, as well as a brand new car, a payrise, half a pint of Harveys and a packet of pork scratchings.
"Adam El-Abd can play anywhere along the back four, but I like him more as a centre half than a fullback," he adds. The bookies push Albion out to 4,000-1 to win the league.
Wednesday August 4th
Oooh, that speculation. Simon Cox? Robert Earnshaw? Robert Codner? Someone's got to sign for us this week, otherwise we'll thcweam and thcweam til we're sick.
Turns out Jake Caskey scored and set up a goal in England's 5-0 win for England against host nation Finland. That news was brought to you by your ever-up-to-date Blue & White 'Un, which gets the shakes and comes out in Wayne Rooney-style hives every time it thinks about watching England, and therefore just hid under the covers and waited until Wednesday for the result.
Thursday August 5th
It's getting a bit close now. "ill be honest to u mate I don't think ill be rejoining Brighton on loan time is running out", says an insightful LuaLua on his Twitter, leaving one lucky fan thoroughly enlightened and gramatically scarred for life.
Gus says there won't be another striker in time for Swindon either, which leaves poor old Ashley Barnes - who was still adjudged to have been worthy of a loan to Eastbourne Borough recently, in spite of his half-decent form for us - all alone upfront for the game. Nicky Forster, who's been banging them in for Brentford in pre-season, must be...no, less of this sort of talk. A pox upon ye.
The fans' forum takes place at Withdean amid stifled yawns, a floor full of bobble hats and the gentle howl of trains disappearing into the distance behind the trees. Our mate Al asks the best question of the night for the second year running, and Gus issues a "no comment" when prodded about the chances of snaring Simon Cox from the other Albion. He says Lewis Dunk is one for the future. Apart from Martin Perry revealing fans will be asked to test the toilets at Falmer, that's about as thrilling as it gets.
Friday August 6th
Gus's search for that defender/winger/striker is over - he signs goalkeeper Casper Ankergren, released by Leeds at the end of last season. "I am certain that Michael Poke and Mitch Walker have great futures ahead of them, which is why we signed them both, but neither of them make me feel 100% safe," says Gus, leaving both goalkeepers in roughly the same position as Robert Green is with regard to his England career. Rumour has it they're planning to kill each other, Romeo and Juliet stylee, in the team hotel tonight.
Quote of the Week
"It'll be a problem if it comes to three to five on Saturday." - Gus gets his cliches muddled up as he muses over the possibility of getting a striker in on Friday.
Honourable Mention
Two names guaranteed to cheer up our working week - Albion sign ex-Pompey striker Paris Cowan-Hall on trial (who scores and concedes a penalty for the reserves), but are pipped by Rotherham, who sign Peterborough centre-back and owner of The Greatest Name in Football Exodus Geohaghon on loan. Exceptional scenes.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
The Blue & White 'Un - Friday June 25th 2010
Hear ye, hear ye...what's nine years between friends? Not a lot, especially if your friends don't remember you. Yes, in joyous news for people randomly stumbling across this electronic totem pole of dribbling nonsense everywhere, The Blue & White 'Un returns after a lifetime's (if you're an unlucky domestic pet) absence, bigger and better than ever before. Well, probably not bigger and better actually, because it's only once a week now, but hell...shall we just get on with it?Saturday June 19th
While the entire country spends the day vomiting on copies of The Sun's ill-fated EASY front page chuckle at the trifle England's qualifying group once seemed, the really bad news is that Albion are pipped by Swindon in the hot hot heat to sign midfielder David Prutton. Cameroon become the first team to exit The Greatest Show On Earth stage left with a timid biffing by Denmark. Holland beat Japan to pretty much guarantee their progress.
Sunday June 20th
Them plucky Kiwis embark on the greatest result in their history part two, taking the lead against Italy, who need a dodgy penalty to scrape a draw. Brazil stuff the Ivory Coast, who conspire to get Kaka sent off with the sort of playmaking which will one day result in instant beheading before an army of baying Corinthian Casuals. Sven looks resplendent in a white tracksuit combo which goes beautifully with his hair.
Monday June 21st
Portugal stuff the mysterious North Koreans 7-0 on a vintage day for anyone who enjoys watching Cristiano Ronaldo's humble little face turn from outraged tantrum to egotastic smuggard and back again. That's them almost definitely through, and there's not a thing a showpiece group finale against Brazil on Friday can do about it.
Tuesday June 22nd
Classic out of season news day part 4,112: Bournemouth are planning to stick Albion fans in a squalid temporary shanty hut when we visit next season. "I am sure other fans won't want to help us in any way so that is our plan," says Cherries Chairman Eddie Mitchell, launching a charm offensive which conveniently forgets the effort certain groups of fans put into saving Bourneo when they hit a spot of bother a few years back. Most Albion fans resist the urge to fire back a letter extolling the virtues of the visiting section at Fortress Withdean.
In the worst-kept secret since Russell Slade was sacked, Albion confirm the Falmer Theatre of Broken Dreams will actually be called the American Express Community Stadium, sparking frenzied debate among fans. Will it be called the Amex Arena? The American Expresso? The Amex Annexe? It's a fascinating conundrum which will surely rumble on until everyone dies of boredom.
The biggest upset of the World Cup is avoided when plucky France fail to grab a win against South Africa, who knock them out at a canter but still become the first host nation to fail to qualify for the knock-out stages. Argentina beat Greece, giving a bunch of defenders in white the runaround in a sneak preview for England fans. Yakubu misses an open goal as Nigeria get suckered by South Korea.
Wednesday June 23rd
England batter Slovenia 1-0 in a magnificent occasion which finally underlines the majestic finesse of our national team, who are surely heading for glory/heartbreak/immortality/despair after Jermain Defoe's winner. Fab says it's cos he offered all the players a beer the previous night, which sounds a little bit like that time when William Hague wore a baseball cap and tried to get down with the peasants. Alas, a last-minute Yoo Ess Eh goal means Ingerlund finish second, leaving everyone scratching their heads at their wallchart at a route to the final which is now approximately as easy as ice skating on a cattle grid.
Head Honcho extraordinaire Tony Bloom tells Albion fans not to panic about the lack of signings thusfar, which is pretty easy when you're sat in the pub on a Wednesday afternoon after lashings of frothy lager watching grown men do the can can to World in Motion.
Thursday June 24th
Arrivederci ad infinitum...Italy lose 3-2 to Slovakia and are out of The Greatest Spectacle We're Ever Seen Ever. Marcello Lippi beats a hasty retreat down the tunnel, but he'll sleep with the fishes. Plucky New Zealand leave undefeated, but a 0-0 draw with Paraguay means they're out. Japan stuff Denmark to go through, causing Alan Shearer to opine their danger to the rest of the world.
All of which is but a drop in the river of believability compared to goings on in Plymouth, where Peter Reid's been given another gig. Insert guffaw here (to be swiftly renounced in the highly likely event of the great man leading them to a glorious title charge.)
Friday June 25th
Kaiser Beckenbauer breaks out the laughs after slagging off England all week. "For the fans, I hope for excitement - a draw, overtime, and then penalty kicks. And then, the Germans win. Sorry!" he burbles. Chortle.
Sky Sports links the Albion with Matt Sparrow, who (implausibly) fancies leaving Scunny after spending 94 years in midfield for them. Cue "Seagulls swoop for Sparrow", "Sparrow nests with Seagulls", "Sparrow defacates all over Tony Bloom's windscreen" and the rest.
In the most hotly-anticipated contest since Thursday, Portugal and Brazil contrive a 0-0 draw. Still, it could have been Switzerland-Honduras, which also finishes goalless. Spain beat Chile and the Ivory Coast batter North Korea. And now the knockout stage starts.
Quote of the Week
"We regretted the impact that it had. But we were in such a state that sometimes, for love, you can do clumsy gestures." Patrice Evra keeps it unclumsy while reflecting on the French squad's reaction to Le Sulk being expelled from the World Cup.
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